By Lisa Johnston
He delights in us;
He provides for our needs;
He forgives our sins;
He cares about our pain;
He disciplines us;
He desires our true good.
“Pick one that is the easiest for you to believe, and one that is the most difficult for you to believe,” says the pastor.
OK, piece of cake: ‘True good’– check; ‘disciplines me’– maybe a check; ‘cares about my pain’– check; ‘forgives my sin’– check; woohoo! feeling pretty good at this point. Cruising through the list; I got this; ‘provides for me’– double check; ‘delights in me’– uh, uh, think I’ll go back to the others…. which one is easiest…. hmm…I’ve so got this I’m debating between which ones are easiest, ‘cause, shoot, I’ve believed this for a long time….
‘He delights in us” …. HE delights in ME?????? My mind won’t even let me go there. Before I can even really begin to process my inability to “go there”, I’m rescued- the service moves on, and the music minister comes up. What does he immediately begin to say: his one that’s toughest is, you guessed it, ‘He delights in us’. Fortunately, we have a song to sing, and folks to visit with before we all head out.
My mind starts to hit the black ice of this thought on the ride home, and just skids away again- so much so, I almost went to the store to go buy cinnamon rolls. I want “comfort food” rather than consider this: that my God loves me so much He takes JOY in me??????
Off and on throughout the day my mind keeps encountering and sliding away from this lack of my ability to even face that He delights in me. Along the way, I realize that it was so easy to say “check” to all the rest of the list was because I know those things to be true. And, at least for me, the revelation today is that knowing and believing are not actually synonymous.
So, what does it truly mean ‘to live out of being loved by God’ when being loved by Him is not something you know, but believe? For one, it means not really being able to blithely say, “check,” to any of those. How would I live if I actually, truly, deep-down believed each one? Add to the list “He died for me.” How about THAT one?
It’s quite a journey we’re all on at New Day. One I know AND believe I can’t do on my own. I find myself praying, “Please forgive my unbelief.” I also know AND believe He’ll answer that prayer in ways I can’t even begin to imagine.
Just the same, cinnamon rolls won’t look the same anymore…